Some relationships end loudly, most end quietly. There is no dramatic fight or sudden revelation. Instead, partners gradually stop showing up for each other in small, everyday ways.
The legal divorce, if it comes at all, is simply the final step in a separation that happened long before. “Quiet divorcing,” the term given to this slow, mostly invisible retreat from a long-term relationship, has recently gone viral.
Borrowing from the term “quiet quitting,” it has caught fire because it names an experience many people recognize but rarely articulate.
When relationships unravel slowly, it can feel confusing or even invisible to the couple themselves. But while the label “quiet divorcing” is new, relationship science has been studying this slow-burn breakup process for decades.
The danger of emotionally disengaging
Relationships can unravel in different ways, as American psychologist John Gottman’s research shows. Some couples experience escalating conflict early on, but for many long-term partnerships, the earliest signs of trouble are subtle: moments of emotional withdrawal or small bids for connection that go unanswered.
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