This is just an opinion piece. I’m writing this solely to crack a dad joke for you to enjoy since you are already here reading it. Although it is more or less a fun fact, don’t take it that seriously. But again, I know this subject. I’ve observed, read and experienced a combination of these pathetic, now predictable stages across my married life of 22 years. The up-and-down of living with the same woman for slightly over two decades obviously allowed me to understand many things in life and here am I spilling the tea.
You must know this. Some stages may take longer than others go through and some people even experience shorter stages too. While there are others who don’t fully experience any of these. Yes, luck could be one of the factors influencing the outcome too I guess. Anyway, here are the 4 stages I was talking about.
First is the Coffee Stage. Sex is fun at this stage. The fun level is beyond words. The urge to have it is pretty similar to the urge to drink coffee. Some people need it once a day, and some could drink it more than once a day. And some could even drink coffee a few rounds in one sitting. No matter how tired your wife is, the urge to be together is going to surface no matter what. Enjoy it while you can.
Second is the Saturday Stage. Once the coffee stage ends, you will enter the next one. And I called it the Saturday stage because Saturday only comes once a week. No more, and no less.
Third is the Salary Stage. The opportunity for you to go beyond holding hands and romantic dinners comes once a month, and only once a month. The mood from the other side will no longer be there. Reasons? I don’t want to go there. But know this. When you reach this stage, you will understand one thing. Your sexual life is going south and even though you know the reasons, there is nothing you can do to work around it. All you can do is to live with it.
Fourth is the Bonus Stage. This is the rock-bottom stage you will arrive at one day. You are going to face this Armageddon head-on. At this stage, sex will come to you if you’re lucky. It could be once a year or not coming at all. It is highly likely that you may get the latter. Zero.
If one fine day your son were to ask you—Dad, how frequently should I have sex with my wife? Answer him, this: Son, it doesn’t matter. To the good guys out there like us, our sex life is going to be like coffee, Saturday, salary and bonus, no matter whether we like it or not.
Ahahaha.
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