I’ve been feeling the urge to write and share my thoughts lately, especially after engaging in discussions with a range of people—whether they’re GLC leaders, representatives from private companies, or international bodies.
It strikes me that too often, the focus during these discussions seems to be about “winning” the argument. Everyone wants to be right, to emerge victorious. But here’s the thing—it’s not about that at all. It’s about progress.
More and more, I’m realizing that when the conversation becomes a battle to see who’s on top, no one really wins. Sure, you might walk away with a sense of satisfaction that you “won” the debate, but what have you gained?
Did you grow? Did the other person? Did the organization or the project benefit in any real way?
Probably not. What if, instead, the focus shifted from winning to moving forward together?
In my view, real progress happens when we can put aside our need to be right and instead approach conversations with the goal of learning and evolving. The point isn’t to walk away victorious—it’s to walk away better.
Why We All Want to “Win”
Let’s be real—most of us want to win arguments because it feeds our ego. It feels good to be right. We’ve all been there: you present your point, someone disagrees, and suddenly it’s game on.
You’re gathering your thoughts, sharpening your counterpoints, ready to score that mental “checkmate.” But after you’ve claimed your “victory,” what’s left? Is anyone actually closer to a solution?
Has the project you’re working on moved forward, or is everyone just a little more entrenched in their own viewpoints?
Winning is fleeting, and in many cases, it’s counterproductive. Winning an argument doesn’t necessarily mean you’re right in the larger sense; it just means you’re better at making your case.
Meanwhile, valuable time and energy that could have been used for collaboration and problem-solving are wasted.
Shifting to a Mindset of Progres.
The goal should be progress, not victory. Progress means working together to move an issue forward. It means actively listening to each other’s perspectives, identifying common ground, and finding solutions that benefit everyone.
It’s about leaving your ego at the door and recognizing that no single person has all the answers.
When progress is the goal, discussions become constructive. People are more open to new ideas because they’re not worried about losing face.
Collaboration thrives, and that’s where the real breakthroughs happen.
5 Ways to Improve and Adapt to This Mindset
So how do we shift from this “win or lose” mindset to one focused on progress? Here are five ways to start:
1. Practice Active Listening
Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and really listen to the person speaking.
What are their concerns? What’s the reasoning behind their point of view? You may find that there’s merit to their argument, or at the very least, you’ll better understand where they’re coming from.
2. Embrace Curiosity Over Competitiveness
Instead of trying to outwit the other person, approach discussions with curiosity.
Ask questions, seek clarification, and genuinely try to understand their perspective. This creates an atmosphere where ideas can be shared freely without the pressure of competition.
3. Separate Ego from Outcome
It’s not about you—it’s about the outcome. Keep your ego in check and remember that the purpose of the discussion is to solve a problem or advance a cause, not to prove that you’re the smartest person in the room.
4. Focus on Common Goals
When things start to get heated, bring the conversation back to the common goal. What are we all trying to achieve here? Reframing the discussion around a shared objective can help diffuse tensions and bring the focus back to progress.
5. Be Willing to Compromise
Progress often requires compromise. You might not get everything you want, but if you’re making steps toward a larger goal, that’s still a win. Be flexible, and be willing to meet the other person halfway if it means moving forward.
At the end of the day, the argument isn’t about who comes out on top—it’s about moving forward together.
Winning an argument might give you a temporary ego boost, but real success comes from achieving progress that benefits everyone involved.
So the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion, ask yourself: Is this about being right, or is it about making progress? If it’s the latter, you’ll find that the path forward becomes a lot clearer.
In my experience, whether dealing with GLCs, private companies, or international partners, it’s this mindset that has the power to truly change outcomes for the better.
So let’s focus less on victory and more on where we can go together. That’s where the real value lies.
