This month’s blog took a little longer to write, mainly because it stirred up a mix of emotions in me—regret, relief, and those nagging “what ifs.” No matter how much I tried to stay positive and focus on what happened for a reason, the emotions stayed with me. It’s all about my experience back in 2022, when I joined a racing program for women, endorsed by the Kegani Racing Team. I only had to fill out a form, attend an interview, and then, surprisingly, I found myself selected out of hundreds of participants. I was one of the top 40, ready to begin a six-month course aimed at preparing me to race on the Sepang Circuit.
Racing has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. I got hooked on F1 at the age of 8 or 9, watching it with my dad, and I’ve been obsessed ever since. My favorites? Lewis Hamilton (obviously!), but I also admired Michael Schumacher, Sebastian Vettel and the others. When I got my driver’s license, I did it in under a month, and even the only video games I played were racing games. I was fast, focused, and had the confidence to think that, with the right training, I could actually get on a real track.
During my studies, luck was on my side—the racing classes were held just 10 minutes from my place. Classes took place one evening a week, so I could balance them with my studies. For a month, I was totally absorbed in the program, with each session filled with adrenaline and a little friendly competition. We had to take turns on the simulation racing cockpit, which I loved but didn’t get nearly enough time on, especially since I was one of the younger participants.
Then came the first elimination round, and I made it through! I was now part of the top 30! But, as classes combined into a single Friday night session, things got complicated. With my university classes mostly online since it was post-covid, I would go back home to be with family midweek, only spending a couple of days near my uni. And that’s where my dilemma set in: I had to choose between sacrificing family time or giving up my little racing dream. In the end, I chose family. It was hard; I couldn’t decide if I was sad or relieved.
The “what ifs” still pop up sometimes. What if I had stuck it out, practiced more, or managed my time differently? Would things have been different? But despite the doubts, I try to keep those thoughts in check. If I ever got the chance again, would I go for it? Absolutely! But first, I want to work on some things—my confidence, my commitment, my ability to shake off self-doubt.
For now, I’ve made peace with my experience. I made it to the top 30 in the Speed Angel Racing Program, which is an accomplishment I’ll always cherish. And yes, I’m still a racer at heart—on the highway (safely!), in my daydreams, and in my memories.
