When I was appointed as the founding dean of a business school more than a decade ago, I was given a mandate by the Vice Chancellor to make the school one of the best in Malaysia in five years, and in the region in ten years. The challenge was that my management knowledge and leadership skills were minimal. I was also an introvert!
Despite that, I had a clear vision and mission for the school, and strategies to achieve the target. I believed I could do it, but I also realised I couldn’t do it alone. I needed a strong team who believed in the same vision and mission. Thus, the first step was to win the trust and confidence of my faculty members.
We also needed to build a strong network and collaboration with industry, government agencies, and other reputable business schools. But being an introvert, I was a bit shy, always preferred to sit at the back, and kept things to myself. Communication and networking weren’t my forte.
A good friend recommended I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, a timeless guide to building relationships and gaining influence. This book became a cornerstone in my leadership journey, providing me with invaluable insights into creating a network and winning people’s confidence.
I slowly gained confidence and expanded my networks when I was later appointed as Deputy Vice Chancellor, Deputy Director General of Higher Education, and finally Vice Chancellor. I am now approaching my retirement and am back as a full-time professor. I thought of sharing this masterpiece with young aspiring leaders.
The Importance of Building a Network
In any leadership role, having a strong network is crucial. A network is not just a collection of contacts but a web of relationships built on trust, mutual respect, and shared goals. Carnegie emphasises that genuine interest in people is the foundation of any successful network.
Principle 1: Show Genuine Interest in Others
One of Carnegie’s key principles is to show a genuine interest in others. This means more than just exchanging pleasantries or business cards; it involves empathy by actively listening to people, understanding their needs, and valuing their perspectives.
In my early days as a dean, I made it a point to engage with my colleagues, faculty, and students on a personal level. This helped me build a network of individuals who felt valued and appreciated, creating a strong foundation for collaboration and support.
Building relationships isn’t just about professional benefits; it also enriches personal growth. Understanding diverse perspectives, learning from others’ experiences, and sharing mutual goals enhance one’s ability to lead effectively.
Building Rapport and Trust
Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Without it, networks crumble, and confidence wanes. Carnegie’s insights on building trust are simple yet profound.
Principle 2: Smile
My officer, who was also my close friend, said I often looked serious and unfriendly. So, he always reminded me to smile. A simple smile can work wonders in creating a positive atmosphere. It is a universal sign of friendliness and openness. I found that smiling, even in challenging situations, helped ease tensions and foster a sense of camaraderie.
It made people more willing to approach a leader with their ideas and concerns, facilitating open communication and trust. A smile is a powerful non-verbal cue that transcends language barriers and cultural differences. It sets the tone for positive interactions and encourages others to engage openly.
Principle 3: Remember Names
Remembering someone’s name can be hard but it is a powerful way to show that you value them. Carnegie asserts that a person’s name is, to that individual, the sweetest sound in any language. Therefore, leaders must make an effort to remember names. This small gesture can significantly boost their rapport with their subordinates, making interactions more personal and meaningful.
Principle 4: Listen Actively
Active listening involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. This goes beyond hearing words; it means engaging with the speaker, asking questions, and providing feedback.
Being a leader, you make the final decision, but by practising active listening, you will be able to understand the concerns and aspirations of your team, building a culture of trust and openness. Active listening demonstrates respect and appreciation for the speaker, fostering an environment where people feel heard and valued. This leads to more effective communication and collaboration.
Winning People’s Confidence
A leader is nothing without followers. Winning people’s confidence is not about manipulation; it’s about earning their trust and respect through genuine actions and attitudes.
Principle 5: Talk in Terms of Others’ Interests
Carnegie advises speaking in terms of the other person’s interests. This involves understanding what matters to them and aligning your communication accordingly. In meetings and discussions, leaders must try to highlight how proposed initiatives would benefit the stakeholders. In the context of a university, the stakeholders are university staff, students, alumni, and employers.
Change is hard, but understanding others’ interests shows empathy and respect, making it easier to find common ground and build strong, cooperative relationships.
Principle 6: Make Others Feel Important
Everyone wants to feel important and valued. Carnegie emphasises the importance of making others feel significant through sincere appreciation and recognition. Leaders must make it a priority to acknowledge the efforts and achievements of their team, whether through public praise or personal notes of thanks.
A pat on the back or a birthday card with a snack may sound simple, but it is meaningful, especially to the lower staff. This practice not only boosts morale but also reinforces a culture of mutual respect and confidence. Recognition and appreciation are powerful motivators. When people feel valued, they are more likely to be engaged, committed, and productive.
Principle 7: Avoid Arguments and Show Respect for Others’ Opinions
Arguments often lead to resentment and damaged relationships. Carnegie suggests avoiding arguments and showing respect for others’ opinions, even when you disagree. By fostering an environment where diverse viewpoints were respected and considered, we were able to maintain harmony and constructive dialogue.
Learn how to agree to disagree. This approach encourages more open and honest communication, which is crucial for building confidence. Respecting differing opinions fosters a culture of inclusivity and collaboration, where diverse ideas can be explored and integrated to achieve better outcomes.
Applying Carnegie’s Principles in a Modern Context
While Dale Carnegie’s principles are timeless, applying them in a contemporary setting requires some adaptation.
Embracing Digital Networking
In today’s digital age, networking extends beyond face-to-face interactions. Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, professional networks like LinkedIn, and online forums provide new avenues for building and maintaining relationships. I leveraged these tools to stay connected with colleagues and alumni, share updates, and recognise achievements. This expanded my network and reinforced my presence as a leader who values and engages with the community.
For instance, I found LinkedIn to be a powerful platform for maintaining professional relationships and sharing the successes and milestones of our business school and university. Regular updates about our initiatives, achievements, and industry collaborations not only kept my network informed but also attracted potential partners and supporters who resonated with our vision.
Fostering Inclusivity
Modern leadership demands a commitment to diversity and inclusivity. Building a network that embraces diverse perspectives enriches the collective experience and drives innovation. By actively promoting inclusivity, we were able to create a more dynamic and supportive environment. This not only strengthened the leader’s network but also fostered a culture where everyone felt valued and confident in contributing their unique ideas.
Inclusivity also means acknowledging and addressing biases that might hinder open communication and trust within the team. By creating forums for open dialogue and encouraging participation from all team members, regardless of their background or position, leaders can cultivate an environment where everyone feels their voice matters. This inclusivity is crucial in driving the innovative solutions that propel organisations forward.
Continuous Learning and Adaptation
The principles of networking and confidence-building are not static; they require continuous learning and adaptation. I regularly revisited Carnegie’s teachings and other leadership books, reflecting on my interactions and seeking feedback from my team. This iterative process helped me refine my approach and remain responsive to the evolving needs of my network.
In addition, leaders must embrace opportunities for professional development through workshops, seminars, and forums. These events will not only expand their knowledge but also provide platforms to connect with other leaders and experts in the field. Learning from their experiences and integrating new ideas into our strategies can keep our initiatives fresh and aligned with best practices.
Conclusion
Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” provided me with a foundational framework for building a network and winning people’s confidence. By showing genuine interest, building trust, and making others feel important, I was able to navigate the challenges of my early leadership journey. These principles, adapted to the modern context, continue to guide my efforts in fostering meaningful relationships and inspiring confidence within my network.
As leaders, it is our responsibility to cultivate environments where trust and mutual respect thrive, enabling us to achieve our collective goals. By leveraging the timeless wisdom of Carnegie’s principles and adapting them to our contemporary context, we can build robust networks that support our vision and drive sustained success.
Young aspiring leaders should take to heart the essence of Carnegie’s teachings. Whether through a simple smile, a sincere compliment, or the genuine interest you show in someone’s story, these small actions can create ripples of positive impact. As you embark on your leadership journey, remember that building networks and winning confidence are not just about advancing your own goals but about creating a community of trust and collaboration that uplifts everyone involved.
Building Networks and Winning Confidence

- 7 mins read
- 14 October 2024
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